


To My Youth

by yeyejie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Falling In Love, Friendship, Friendship/Love, High School, Idiots in Love, Love, Love Confessions, Male-Female Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Past Relationship(s), Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Pre-Killing School Life (Dangan Ronpa), Slice of Life, Students, Teen Angst, Teen Crush, Teen Romance, Teenagers, Toxic Friendships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:40:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24057628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeyejie/pseuds/yeyejie
Summary: Y/N L/N is the star player of the Aoba Johsai’s girls’ volleyball team, but after their recent win at the nationals, she relinquished her regular position as wing spiker and applied to be the boys' team manager upon the start of her senior and last year in Aoba Johsai.Many if not all the students in Seijoh were taken aback about her departure from the team. She’s wasn’t injured nor her love for the sport disappeared.In fact, she will never not love volleyball. It’s basically her life, so what was the reason for her departure?
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Reader, Iwaizumi Hajime/Reader, Matsukawa Issei/Reader, Oikawa Tooru & Reader, Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Comments: 16
Kudos: 76





	1. Daffodil

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! My name is Patricia and welcome to my newest fic after being on hiatus for almost four years! In regards to why I suddenly stopped writing, a lot happened and my passion for writing has slowly disappeared but now I'm finally out of the funk I'm in. I decided to write again because I want to have an outlet and I want to tell stories to people that might help them in some ways.  
> So much has happened in my life and I figured I should use that as an inspiration to write again. After being in a creative-block for so long, I'll incorporate my life experiences into my pieces and I hope my readers would find it helpful or insightful.  
> Please bear with me! I haven't written in so long, I'm so rusty but I would appreciate it if you would give me and my stories a chance. ^^

Chapter 1

 _“Nice Iwaizumi-san!”_  
 _“Nice kill!”_  
 _“Nice receive!_ ”

Screams and shouts continued to filled the entire gymnasium along with the sound of the volleyballs being spiked and the players’ shoes squeaking against the wooden floor as mandatory practice in the Aoba Johsai’s Volleyball Club is still in session even when the sun has set hours ago.

Inter-High is right around the corner and the boys are in the middle of preparing for the grand tournament.   
It’ll be Oikawa’s first tournament as Seijoh’s new hailed captain.

And it is also his one last chance to put Ushijima down to shame and finally go to the nationals.

“Y/N-chan, water please.” 

Oikawa requested as he walks towards the bench drenched in sweat and completely out of breath from playing basically all day.  
  
“Here.”

The newly recruited manager of the team handed him his water bottle and face towel, so he can finally freshen up and wipe off the sweat from his face and neck.  
Y/N proceeded to cater to the other players, not minding being stared at by a few bystanders in the gym who wanted to watch the team play.

_“Maybe she injured herself.”_

_“Maybe she has a terminal disease and can’t play anymore?”_

_“Or maybe she lost her drive after winning the nationals last year?”_

_“It got to her head huh?”_

It has been a good three months since the new school year started but many students are still shocked with y/n’s departure from the girls’ volleyball team.She was the star player of the team, Y/N and her team were able to play in the nationals last year and earned a place on the podium. Everyone’s excited to see them dominate the tournament again, but much to their dismay, the player who scored the most points quit volleyball and applied to be the boys’ team manager upon her senior year.

Countless rumors had been going around the campus as to why she suddenly quit, but no one really knows the real reason. Not even her teammates. 

Maybe she just really wanted to quit

Maybe she wants to focus on her college entrance exam

Who knows?

\- A Day after the Awarding Ceremony in Tokyo - 

_“Are you sure, y/n?”_

  
_Y/N nodded meekly in front of her coach, “Yes, [coach]-sensei, I’m quitting the club. I’m quitting volleyball. I’m changing clubs.”_

_[Coach] sighed heavily and rub his face out of frustration, “And you won’t even give me a single reason as to why you decided to quit?”_

  
_“I just don’t feel like playing anymore. It’s not like I plan to play all my life. If it’s the team you’re worried about, they will be fine. They have Akira-chan to guide them and I’ve seen them play, they aren’t pushovers. It’s just not me who made our win possible, sensei.”_

  
_[Coach] sighed again, still hesitant but nodded anyway_

  
_“I just hope you thought this through, Y/N.”_  
  
\- Present -

On y/n’s first week of being a manager, it was exhausting. 

She felt utterly drained after each practice, but it was not because her job was hard, it was actually a breeze for her as she’s been playing volleyball since childhood, so she knows her way around. It was exhausting because her body would sometimes react to the ball when she watches the team play.  
  
Being an athlete all her life, responding to the ball and the referee’s whistle has become second nature to her. And now that she’s not in the limelight anymore, she can’t help but feel restless. After all, her love for volleyball never went away even after quitting.

Y/N will always love volleyball.

From spiking and scoring points after points down to the most mundane things about the sport.

She’s what you call a volleyball idiot.

“Y/N-chan~ want to walk home together~?” 

Y/N was in the storage room helping the boys clean up after a whole days’ worth of practice

She deadpanned at the flamboyant captain, “you live at the opposite neighborhood, Oikawa. You need to get home soon so you can rest.”

“I know, but it’s already late. It’s dangerous for a girl like you to walk alone in the dark.”

“I can handle myself just fine, Oikawa. Go home. It’s not even that dark out, you’re exaggerating again.” y/n insisted well-meaningfully.

Fortunately that was enough to coax him as he waved his hand dismissively and went to his things to get ready to go home. 

“Suit yourself, y/n-chan. Then again, you’re the type of person to waste opportunities huh?” 

There it is.

The passive animosity from Oikawa Tooru

When he heard about Y/N quitting right after the nationals, he tasted something bitter bubbling inside his mouth. 

_Was she trying to show off?_   
_Did she not care about her team and wanted only to bag the trophy so she can put it on her credentials?_   
_Did she think so highly of herself now that a dingy volleyball club doesn’t fancy her interest anymore?_

The way she quit right after bagging the nationals really rubbed him off the wrong way.

Just looking at her pissed him off.

Even more so now when she joined his team as their manager. Just what the heck is she up to?

Did she join his team to look down on them?

“I don’t know what I did to you for you to act all passive aggressive towards me, but whatever floats your boat, I guess.” Y/N hollered from the storage room.

“Beats me… I’m just as confused as you are. Why would a star player like you join our team as our manager hm?”

Y/N finally emerged from the storage room all sweaty from putting everything away, she faced Oikawa with an unreadable look on her face. “Last time I remembered we’re not that close for me to disclose a personal information to you.”

Without another word she walked off towards the bench to fix her things so she can finally give her daily report to the coach and call it a day.  
He smiled irritatingly, his new manager getting under his skin again, “Annoying little—“

Oikawa stared at the open door where y/n had walked out, his eyes glinting with annoyance before he turned around and marched towards his teammates who are still preparing to go home. 

-

While walking along the hallway, Y/N could see her old teammates also taking their leave after practice.

With longing eyes, she continued to watch them laugh and joke with one another as they began to walk home together.

Watching them have fun like that almost made her regret her decision to leave.

Y/N continued to watch them until they're finally out of sight, not noticing Oikawa standing right beside her following her gaze and a frown finding its way on his face.

_I miss them so much. I miss playing. I want to play, I want to keep playing..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The daffodil flower is known for its symbolism of new beginnings and rebirth.


	2. Lilac

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lilac represents domestic happiness, nostalgia, first young love, innocence and remembrance.

_10 years ago_

_Sitting on her desk, Y/N struggled to complete her homework for the day. It has been a few hours since she came home from school but she's still stuck on a certain question in her english homework._

_'"Why is english so hard?" she whined as she continued to stare down at her notebook. Wishing for the right words to write themselves on the blank paper._

_"Y/N! Hey, Y/N! Are you home?!"_

_Y/N whipped her head from her homework to the door, loud and bubbly steps can be heard from outside of her room._

_Akira burst through the door wearing a really wide grin on her face with excited eyes to match._

_"Y/N! Let's play! My brother taught me a brand new game, let's play together!"_

_"But I'm still not done with my homework, can it wait for tomorrow?" Y/N pouted, she really wanted to join her but she also want to finish her essay first. If she procrastinate now, she might not be able to finish it on time. English is her weakest subject after all._

_Akira pouted "Please? I'll help you later, I promise! You can come over to our house and then ask for [brother]-niichan for help!"_

_"But..."_

_The two girls now began their staring contest to see who will cave in first._

_Y/N let out a sigh and smiled, "Alright, you win. [Brother]-san better help me get a good grade." she chuckled_

_"Oh, he will! My brother's super smart! He's in high school! High school people are super smart!" Akira exclaimed with glee_

_Y/N put away her things back inside her bag and stormed off with Akira to her place_

_"So what's this new game you're talking about?"_

_"Volleyball!"_

_Confused, Y/N raised one eyebrow, "Volleyball? What's that?"_

_"It's a sport like basketball, but instead of shooting, you prevent the ball from falling to the ground. The team who drops the ball loses."_

_"Sounds hard... When we played basketball I kept dropping the ball because it was too big and heavy." Y/N pouted as she reminisce the first time she played basketball at school_

_Akira waves her hand dismissively, "Don't worry! The ball we use in volleyball is lighter and you don't have to hold the ball for too long, you just have to hit it so it doesn't drop to the floor. I'll teach you!"_

_"Okay..."_

_Once they arrived at Akira's house they went straight to the backyard to play volleyball._

_"This... is how you serve the ball. It has to reach the other side of the net, if it doesn't, the point goes to the opposing team." Akira hand her the ball, "Try it."_

_Albeit unsure she took the ball from her and tried to imitate her actions earlier, "Like this...?"_

_Y/N tossed the ball slightly into the air and swung her hand backwards for momentum then--"Oof-"_

_"You should pay attention to your timing, Y/N-chan." Akira's brother hollered as he joined the girls in the backyard._

_[brother] picked up the ball and showed her a more precise demonstration on how to serve the ball, "Toss the ball just slightly, where you're most confident that you would hit the ball, then swiftly swing your hand backwards for momentum, and then--" he hit the ball with his palm nicely and the ball was already at the other side of the net. "_

_Smack away." He smiled_

_Y/N watched with so much awe in her eyes. Something inside her suddenly bubbled, was it excitement? Determination?_

_"Let me try again!" she said more enthusiastic to play than before_

_"Here you go. Try and try until you get the hang of it."_

_Y/N gladly took the ball from him and tried harder this time._

_She tried and tried until she finally succeeded._

_Y/N jumped while smiling triumphantly. "I did it! The ball's on the other side of the net!"_

_Akira jumped for joy as well, happy for her best friend while her brother only smiled and clapped, "Way to go, Y/N!"_

_"Can you teach us more, [brother]-san?"_

_[Brother]-san nodded kindly, "Of course. If you want, I can teach you two every other day after school."_

_The two girls grinned, "Yes please!"_

_Her english homework was long forgotten after that as she spent all her time there playing volleyball with Akira and her brother._

_Usually she would feel bad, but for some reason she was so glad she pushed her english essay aside._

_"I like volleyball. I want to know more, I want to play more."_

\- Present -

Today was one of those rough mornings for Y/N that she literally had to drag herself to get up and get ready for school. She was not in the mood to do anything, but if she skipped class and locked herself in her room, she knew it would do her more harm than good. 

Her thoughts would most likely eat her alive.

Despite feeling practically dead inside, she forced herself to go to school. 

She's also the type of person with a strong sense of responsibility, she would never forgive herself for neglecting her duties.

Especially now that she's in her senior year, she needs to focus if she wants to be accepted in a great university. 

She also needs to pull herself together for the boys' volleyball team. She's their manager, she needs to be in tip-top shape for her new team.

_But it's so hard_

Y/N let out a heavy sigh when she reached the vending machines to refill her water bottle.

"Y/N?"

She looked up from the water fountain and found Iwaizumi approaching her, "Iwa, what's up?"

Iwaizumi smiled at her "Thank you for the exercise regimen and diet you recommended to me last month. I tried doing it and I managed to get good results. Volleyball practice has been a breeze too after I started following the diet plan you gave me.

Y/N smiled appreciatively, "You're welcome, Iwa. I'm glad I could help you."

From a distance, Oikawa was with Hanamaki and Matsukawa heading to the cafeteria to sneak in some snacks to munch on later in their afternoon period.

"Oh, It's Iwaizumi and Y/N." Hanamaki spotted the two having a conversation by the vending machines. Their laughter ringing in the hallway caught the three off-guard.

Who knew Iwaizumi could smile like that? And to a girl too.

And who knew they were actually chummy enough to joke and bicker with one another.

One would suspect them as couples.

Matsukawa nudged Oikawa in the ribs causing for the brunette to falter a bit due to the pain, "Are they dating?"

Still rubbing his sides as he takes a good look at them, "Beats me... This is the first time I saw them interact like that."

"I mean, they look together. Y/N's gorgeous and Iwaizumi's pretty good looking too, and he's a great guy. Anyone would fall for him." Hanamaki vocalized

"Now that you mentioned it, they're pretty similar don't you think? Y/N's smarter than him but other than that, they pretty much mirror each other."

Hanamaki cooed, "A match made in heaven huh? Must be nice..."

Oikawa continued to look at the two with an unreadable expression on his face.

_I haven't seen her smile and laugh like that in a while_

After seeing her almost shed a tear yesterday while watching her former teammates laugh and joke with one another, something inside him sparked.

Was it his curiosity? Was it something bubbly and warm? Was it something heavy and suffocating? 

_Or_ maybe it was a combination of the three?

"We can always interrogate them before practice to find out." Oikawa mused finally turning away from them. "Now, let's go to the cafeteria before lunch break ends!"

Oikawa marched forward leaving the two behind, his eyes trailing towards Y/N and Iwaizumi again.

*

Iwaizumi snorted out a laugh, "Now that's just mean... Do I really look grumpy to you?"

"A little. Back in freshmen year, I was slightly intimidated by you. Especially during the annual club rally, the look in your eyes--whew!" Y/N exclaimed while holding in her laughter. 

"Well, my mind was already in the game. Oikawa and I vowed to beat Ushiwaka and go to the nationals together."

Y/N smiled fondly at him, "I'm sure you can do it. The team's looking pretty good and you and Oikawa are getting better and better each practice. I would know since I'm your manager." 

"I hope so... This is our last chance to finally have a chance to play at the national stage. It's been our only goal since we were kids." Iwaizumi smiled at her, "Your game last year gave me a lot of hope, Y/N."

At the mention of the nationals last year, Y/N's smile faltered and her shoulders flinched visibly, "I-Is that so? I'm glad."

"But Y/N, why did you quit? Why did you leave? Did something happen?"

Y/N smiled sadly, "It was something I had to do. For the betterment of the team, I had to leave."

She wanted nothing more than to play her best one last time in high school but she knows she can't, because if she stays any longer, she would only bring her team down and she didn't want that to happen. Not when their spirit is high after their win last year. 

She didn't want to be the reason for the team's downfall.

"Do you want to talk about it? I mean, only if you're comfortable and ready. No pressure."

Y/N smiled appreciatively, feeling slightly confident and comfortable to finally open up to someone, she looked at him, "It's a pretty long story... Think you can keep up?"

Iwaizumi chuckled, "Have faith in me, will you? I'll listen. Promise."

"Alrighty then... how about later after practice?"

"Sure, let's stop by a cafe and talk then I'll walk you home afterwards."

The two nodded in agreement right in time for the bell to ring. Lunch break is over.

_I guess it won't hurt to confide in someone._

_Then, I won't have to carry this alone._


	3. Iris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Mental Health Awareness Month!
> 
> I would like to remind everyone that you are loved, cared for, and wanted. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. You are worthy of love and everything that's good in the world. I see you. I hear you. I feel for you. 
> 
> Here's another chapter of To My Youth!  
> Please let me know about your first impression of the story in the comments below! Any feed backs and criticism is gladly welcome. ^^
> 
> Enjoy reading!

_"Nice receive!"_

_"One more!_

_"Oikawa left!"_

Iwaizumi rushed to the front and for momentum before launching in the air to spike, "Take that!"

The ball came flying towards the opposing team's middle blocker with so much force that the ball bounced from his hand and flew all the way to the back earning another point for Seijoh. It was another typical practice day in the volleyball club and today they have a scheduled practice match against a neighboring school and so far they are ahead by three points and they're currently at their third and final set.

Twenty more minutes and the game has finally ended with Seijoh winning by four points.

The gymnasium is more packed than usual as students want to watch the game. The audience is mainly composed of girls who wanted to watch Oikawa.

"Did Oikawa-san and Iwaizumi-san fight? They're both a little off..." Kindaichi asked Matsukawa who's currently doubled over due to exhaustion from playing back to back games basically all day.

"Ha?" Matsukawa whipped his head to towards both of his friends to see what was going on with them for his underclassman to voice out his worry

Now that he mentioned it, Iwaizumi does seem off as he looks grumpier than usual and his play today is a little too rough, like he's mad at the ball when he goes in for a spike. Oikawa looks like he has a lot on his mind by the look of his distant eyes and he's not his usually cheeky self too. Usually, during practice game he's cheekier and louder because he has an audience to impress and he really likes the idea of fighting new opponents as it is one of his way to see if his practice is paying off.

Last week on his way home from practice he saw Y/N and Iwaizumi at a nearby cafe from their campus, and judging by the look on their faces they seemed to be talking something serious. Oikawa couldn't sleep last night as his brain is on high alert, coming up with theories one after another as to what his best friend and manager are talking about and why did they have to talk somewhere private?

_Are they really dating?_

If they're really dating how did it happen? When did it happen? They all have been in the same class since freshmen year, and although they do get along, it never occurred to him how close they really are. Did Oikawa missed something?

He glanced at his childhood best friend who's currently sitting on the bench to rest while listening to what the coach has to say. Then his eyes shifted to Y/N who's currently looking at her clipboard, checking their status and other mundane things. Even though their relationship status is still a mystery, Oikawa could definitely tell something changed between the both of them. Ever since their 'talk', Iwaizumi suddenly started to approach Y/N more and would even joke around with her more freely and she would seek him more and initiate conversations with him. It's like one day they suddenly became really, really close. 

_Ah, this is getting annoying!_

Oikawa accidentally whined out loud catching the attention of Y/N who looked at him with a worried expression on her face, "Is something wrong, Oikawa?"

He froze on the spot and turned to her weirdly which made his manager worry even more, "Huh? No, it’s nothing."

She frowned "You sure? You're not hurt are you?

"I'm fine. I just messed up my serve earlier and it's getting to my head." 

"Really? Your stats today were great though. It was even better than yesterday's practice." Y/N mused and before he could stop himself, his lips twitched into a small smile. After all, it's nice to be told he's doing well after drowning himself through his hellish practice. 

"You think so?"

She mirrored his smile "Mhm. I still remember our joint practice back in sophomore year, your tosses were so easy and nice to hit. I really enjoyed playing with you."

_There it is again_

That churn inside him making its presence known again

"I would like to have you toss again for me someday." She added and the butterflies inside him went wild and you can also see his cheeks turn slightly red as Y/N continued to shower her with compliments.

"If you compliment him that much it will get to his head, Y/N." Iwaizumi chimed in as he returned to the main court after changing into his tracksuit in the back room

"It won’t! You do realize your words sting sometimes, right Iwa-chan?"

Iwaizumi pretended to ponder then feigned innocence when he looked at his childhood friend who was waiting for his reply "Because it's true and you’re guilty?" 

Oikawa gawks at his best friend "I'm not! Take that back!"

The two were really going at it but it was interrupted by a bell-chime like laugh, causing them to turn around and witness Y/N laughing her ass off while she watch them bicker like children. "Oh, man... I haven't laughed like that in so long." Y/N stated as she wipes her tears from laughing too much "You bicker like elementary kids. It's so entertaining to watch."

From the corner of his eyes, Oikawa saw a soft smile dawned on Iwaizumi's face as he watches Y/N stifle more giggles in between her words. 

"Are you two dating?"

Both Iwaizumi and Y/N froze on the spot when the question slipped out of Oikawa's lips, "Well? Are you?"

Y/N was the first one to break the silence, "No. We're not dating, Oikawa. What made you think we were?"

"Because! I saw you two on a date at a cafe after volleyball practice then all of sudden you two were all over each other. It wasn't just me who noticed that you know."

Iwaizumi deadpanned, "We're not dating, Shittykawa. We were both exhausted from school and practice, so we decided to stop by a cafe to rest for a bit before going home."

Of course that was big, fat lie. They didn't go to a cafe to 'rest' but to talk as to why Y/N decided to quit the team and it wasn't something Iwaizumi can mention so freely, after all it wasn't his story to tell and Y/N specifically told him to keep it a secret. Even to Oikawa. It's not that she doesn't trust him, it's because she's not yet ready to completely face her new reality.

"Didn't know Oikawa is such an innocent little boy when it comes to dating." Hanamaki snickered

Oikawa scoffed "What do you mean?!"

"You were so quick to jump in conclusions when you saw them at the cafe."

Matsukawa added "What do you expect from a guy who hasn't been in a serious relationship before?"

"And you have?!"

Matsukawa nodded, "...Yes, I have."

"You responded too slowly! Liar!"

Matsukawa decided to ignore his loud-mouthed captain and turned to Iwaizumi, "So, you're not dating?"

"No, now stop making unnecessary assumptions." Iwaizumi groaned 

The third year turned to his manager for further confirmation which made Iwaizumi smack him on the shoulder for being annoying, "Sure?"

Y/N chuckled and waved her hand dismissively, "Nope. We're not dating."

"Why not though? You two look good together. Why not give it a try?" Hanamaki stated 

"Iwa-chan with a girl? It would take him a miracle to impress a g--ack!"

Iwaizumi cracked his hands after swatting Oikawa on the head, "You never learn do you?"

Quietly, Y/N watched all of this unfold before her, a faint smile danced on her face while watching them goof around after practice.

Then she felt that longing feeling in her heart again.

Watching them bicker like this reminded her of the girls.

They used to have petty fights like this before, during, and after practice. Akira would say something outlandish which would elicit a sarcastic response from Hana and then Kotoko would add fire to the fuel making Hana even more pissed at them, and then Y/N would have to catch her breath from laughing too much. Lastly, the first and second years would be the poor victims of Kotoko's pranks but sometimes they would play along with her tricks.

The girls' gymnasium was always full of life and warmth. 

Every day she still yearns her old life. Every day she wishes she's still in the girls' gymnasium catching her breath after spiking ball after ball. Every day she wishes everything would go back to normal. 

But there's no turning back now.

She already made her decision.

She didn't want to leave.

But she had to.

It was for the best. 

For her and for the team.

"Alright, alright... Stop before you seriously injure him, Iwaizumi. We need our captain in tip-top shape if we want to bag a slot in the nationals. You can beat him up after you win first place." Y/N grinned

"First place?" Hanamaki gawked

Y/N blinked "What? Isn't that the main goal?"

"First place huh..."

Y/N smiled fondly which caught the third years off-guard "You can do it. I have faith in you guys."

All of them blinked at her, not really sure what to say next.

They do intend to bag the nationals but hearing such an endearing encouragement from their pretty manager rendered them speechless. 

Then finally, a look of sheer determination and confidence dawned upon their faces and yelled in unison, "Osu!"

It pained her to leave the team and it will probably hurt until she graduates, even forever, but for the first time in a while...

She's confident enough to say that things will get better eventually.

There's no need to turn back and dwell in the past anymore, she can reminisce but that's it.

The Inter-High is just around the corner.

She needs to be there for her new team. 

Her new **_family_**.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Iris symbolizes hope, cherished friendship and valor.


	4. Gladiolus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope everyone is well and healthy!
> 
> Thank you so much for the people who commented on the previous chapter. Keep them coming! ^^
> 
> Here's another chapter for y'all, enjoy!

Today's Monday and that meant no club activities will ensue today, and students are highly encouraged to go home early to rest or stay on campus to finish school requirements or self-study at home or in the school library. After all, resting is also a way of nurturing the mind and body.

And since Y/N finally has free time for herself, she decided to spend her precious break at the public volleyball court near her house for a quick game. She's been wanting to play so bad but school and club activities have been holding her back, so maybe playing and working up a sweat could help her relieve some, if not all of her stress away.

"There. That should do it." she smiled at the water bottle filled with sand so it doesn't get blown away by the wind.

With cheerful steps, she skipped to the other side of the court and grabbed her ball then dribbled it a couple of times to get in the zone. Holding the ball close to her face as she takes a deep breath, then slowly her eyes opened looking insanely focused. She gracefully tossed the ball just above her head before leaping into the air and swinging her hand fiercely, and then finally a loud spike sound resonated in the air once her hand made contact with the ball making it fly over the net and hitting the water bottle easily.

Y/N grinned and punched her hand in the air, obviously ecstatic. "Yes!"

Oh, how much she missed this.

She's been yearning for this all week.

Watching Oikawa and the others play made her feel really restless.

They look like they're having so much fun despite being completely out breath.

She wanted nothing more than feel that kind of happiness again.

Nearly bruising her hand from spiking a hundred volleyballs, the feeling of her lungs burning from running around the court, her hair sticking stubbornly on her skin, being completely out of breath but feeling nothing but absolute bliss. She even misses the smell of salonpas spray on her skin.

Y/N jogged back to the water bottle to fix it when a familiar figure approached her as they we're in the neighborhood working up a sweat as well by taking an afternoon jog.

"So, injury is out of the question huh?"

Y/N looked up as soon as she heard them talk, "Oikawa."

Oikawa waved lazily at her, "Having fun?"

"Mhm… Been a while since the last time I played. It felt good." She smiled

"But why did you quit in the first place?"

Y/N flinched at question and it didn't go unnoticed by the brunette but decided not to comment on it, at least not for now. "Why did you quit?"

"It's..." She pursed her lips tight, obviously not yet ready to disclose the information to him, "I just wanted a new environment is all."

Oikawa raised an eyebrow, bewildered "New environment? How is joining the boys' volleyball team as manager a new environment for you?"

"I've been an athlete all my life, so watching from the sidelines is a brand new experience to me."

_Huh_

In split seconds Oikawa's face turned darker and his lips twitched into a small smirk, "So, after finally getting a taste of victory at the nationals, the almighty Y/N L/N decided relinquished her jersey?"

"What do you mean?" Y/N frowned

"Now that you've tasted sweet victory at the nationals, you don't have to prove yourself to anyone anymore. Even if you take a year off, you're confident a powerhouse university from Tokyo would come here to offer you a scholarship and a regular position in their team. You're all set and ready to go, so why waste your time and energy right?"

Offended and pissed, Y/N glared at Oikawa, "What the hell?"

"Why did you quit?"

Y/N looked at him like he's grown two heads "Why are you so persistent? I already told you my reason, now leave me the hell alone."

Oikawa was about to speak up when she beat him up to it "I don't understand you. One minute you're nice and friendly, then the next minute you're being obviously passive aggressive towards me. What did I ever do to you to deserve this hostility from you?"

The sound of her voice cracking by the end of her sentence caught the brunette off guard. He stood there frozen and downright guilty for making her visibly upset. Suddenly, the image of her from that day when she was in the verge of tears flashed through his mind making him feel horrible. But to be honest, he wasn't the sole reason why she reacted this way. Y/N rarely snaps and is always levelheaded, but she already got so much on her mind and it's been weighing her down that when Oikawa pushed her buttons, she lost it. 

She grabbed the ball from the ground and took a step back, not in the mood to play anymore. "I'm going home."

Without another word, she turned her back on him and jogged back home.

-

The rest of the week went by painfully slow and Y/N wanted nothing more than to go home already. She wasn't in the mood to do anything. Not even attend volleyball practice, but here she is... standing beside the coach as she watches the team practice.

"Y/N-san, are you okay? You look pale. Do you want to go to the infirmary?"

"No, coach. I mean, yes! I'm fine. Just a little tired." Y/N smiled kindly to the coach before turning back to the game

Truthfully, after her rundown with Oikawa, she hasn't been feeling her best lately. And it's been days since that encounter.

It's been getting a lot harder for Y/N to get up in the morning and to fall asleep at night. A thousand things had been running through her mind that sooner or later, her mind would just shut down and spiral. But of course, as much as she wanted to skip school, she can't. She doesn't want to be a bother to anyone.

All she can do now is wear her big girl pants and suck it up and cry it all out when she gets home.

It's been like that almost every day and honestly, it's starting to take a toll on her.

And of course, Oikawa can clearly see the aftermath of his stupidity. He's been wanting to walk up to her and apologize but he can't for the life of him, find the right time to approach her. For all he knows, she still might be upset with him and doesn't want to talk to him yet. 

"The hell's matter with you? Focus. We will be going up against Karasuno in a practice match next week and you will be facing Kageyama in a setter versus setter match. Get your head in the game." Iwaizumi scold him after his third toss miss 

"Did you really have to mention his name? I thought you were trying to cheer me up?" Oikawa whined

"Just get your head out of the clouds, will you?"

Oh, right. Next week Karasuno will be paying a visit at their campus for a practice match requested by the one and only Oikawa Tooru.

This is the year Kageyama Tobio will officially start his high school life and of course, he joined the volleyball team. It has been a while since Oikawa last saw him and after confirming which school he's attending, he immediately requested for practice match so he can play against him to see who's better.

From what he knows, Karasuno used to be a powerhouse that once played at the nationals. But a few years later after the Little Giant graduated, Karasuno has slowly lost its prestigious reputation and was labeled as the 'Fallen Champions' and 'The Flightless Crows'. They don't know what to expect from their opponents next week, but that will never stop them from training hard.

That's just the kind of team Seijoh is. Formidable yet humble. They never discriminate, they will always give their one hundred percent in each game. 

"Oikawa-san nice serve!"

Oikawa flawlessly tossed the ball in the air, getting ready for another powerful serve when from the corner of his eyes, he saw Y/N sitting pathetically on the bench next to the coach, obviously crestfallen. He didn't even noticed he has his full attention on her that he missed the ball and landed badly on the floor.

"Oikawa!"

"Oikawa-san!"

Y/N frantically dashed towards him along with Iwaizumi and the rest of the team. She crouched in front of him, "Oikawa, are you okay?! Are you hurt?!"

Visibly wincing as he turns his head towards her, he sheepishly pointed at his sprained foot as he can't talk due to the sharpshooting pain from his ankle. 

"Shittykawa, just what the heck is wrong with you? You've been spacing out all day."

Hanamaki patted Iwaizumi on the shoulder "Save the talk for later. Let's take him to the infirmary first."

They all agreed and pinched in to help their captain. The third years escorted him out of the gymnasium while Y/N took the initiative to carry his belongings and hurried to the clinic as well.

-

Iwaizumi and Y/N are in the infirmary accompanying Oikawa. Hanamaki and Matsukawa had left after they escorted their captain there. Oikawa's on the bed resting after the school nurse tended to his foot and turns out, he sprained his ankle and it would take him at least a week to recover.

How can he sprain his ankle when he has an important game next week?

Oikawa cursed under his breath

_Stupid stupid stupid_

_Why can't you do anything right?_

_Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!_

"It would take a week for your foot to heal. I suggest you should refrain from doing anything strenuous or else your foot will take longer to heal. Take these painkillers after you eat dinner so it would help you heal faster." The school nurse handed him his medicine and walked back to his desk, leaving the three alone.

Iwaizumi groaned, "Perfect."

"Hey, now..." Y/N tried to calm Iwaizumi down 

Iwaizumi looked pointedly at his best friend, "You better focus on healing or else I'm going to break your other foot, got it?"

"Got It. Though I would've pressed charges for assault if you do that, Iwa-chan."

"You're really asking for it huh?"

"I was trying to lighten up the mood!"

"You wouldn't have to if you were being careful! Just what the heck is matter with you?"

Oikawa waved his hand dismissively "I jumped on the wrong foot."

"I can't believe your clumsy ass. You could've sprained your ankle on any day, why right before a practice match?"

The brunette looked down, suddenly taking interest on the floor pattern, "Don't worry, I'll be better in no time. I'll see to it that I can play with you guys next week."

Sighing, Iwaizumi bonked his best friend on the head, "You had us worried there, Shittykawa. Not only did you sprained your ankle, you also landed on your bad knee. Things could've turned for the worst."

_But I wouldn't have to worry about a bad knee if I was fucking careful._

_Stupid stupid stupid_

"Believe in your captain, will you?" Y/N chuckled, attempting to lighten up the mood "Go get changed, Iwa. You're drenched in sweat and it's freezing in here, you might catch a cold. We'll wait for you here."

"...Fine. Wait here."

Once the hotheaded ace was out of the door, awkward silence filled the room. At the spur of the moment, it didn't occurred to Y/N that she will be left alone with Oikawa after she shooed Iwaizumi away.

"I'm sorry."

"W-What?" Y/N turned to Oikawa with slightly wide eyes

"I said I'm sorry. For the things I said to you the other day."

"Oh..."

"I don't hate you, if you've been wondering."

Y/N pouted and the brunette swore that, that was the cutest pout he's ever seen, "Then why are you being so mean to me?"

"I was jealous and frustrated."

Now, that was an answer Y/N wasn't expecting "What? Why?"

"You're a very talented player, and you were able to compete at the nationals and win. You basically have everything I don't, so when I found out you quit the team right after nationals without any official explanation, it pissed me off. It seems to me like you're taking your blessings for granted."

Y/N was loss for words, she only stared at the brunette right in front of her.

Then a sad smile appeared on her face. "I see."

_Stupid stupid stupid_

_Y/N, you stupid stupid girl._

_Why do you keep on hurting other people?_

_Stupid stupid stupid_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gladiolus represents strength and moral integrity.


	5. Chrysanthemum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you're all doing okay and healthy.
> 
> Sorry this chapter took longer than usual, I wasn't in a good head space and 'til this day I've been struggling. But don't worry! I'll be fine, I decided to finally write an update because I wanted to take advantage of this rut I'm in to make this chapter as authentic and raw as I can. And who knows? Maybe this would help me cope. 
> 
> I hope by reading this, it would help some of you too. 
> 
> Anyway! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Y/N finally met Kageyama! And she will soon witness Karasuno's new secret weapon!
> 
> As always, comments and feed backs are high appreciated! 
> 
> Always remember that you are loved, wanted, and cared for. You matter!

Well, this sucks...

Oikawa is stuck at home while he lets his foot heal.

He should be in the gym practicing right now, but because of what happened the other day, he's currently resting at home.

He can by all means attend his classes, but that would mean moving and that won't be good for his foot. He wants to recover as soon as possible, so he decided to take a week off from school and volleyball practice. And so far, it's been really boring. There's literally nothing to do other than lounge around. On his first day of house arrest, he was doing okay, but now he can feel the boredom and he wanted nothing more than to play with his team.

On a happy note, Oikawa and Y/N have successfully put their past behind them. Well, he was finally able to put his grudge against her to rest.

He still doesn't have a single clue as to why she quit her team, but after their conversation back in the infirmary, Oikawa finally came to his senses.

He didn't really hate Y/N, that was just his insecurity egging on him and as a result, he projected it all on her and used her as an outlet. He felt sick to his stomach for what he did to her, and it made him feel more horrible when he recalled the time he lashed out on Kageyma and almost hit him on the face. When he came home on that day, he couldn't sleep a wink. The image of Kageyama's scared face haunted him all night and even 'til to this day, he's still guilty for the ugly behavior he displayed in front of his underclassman.

Oikawa may be a lot of things, but he's not a bad person. It's just that, our emotions can get the best out of us sometimes especially if we've been bottling it all inside for a long period of time. Imagine feelings all kinds of emotions at fifteen. It can get pretty ugly, but it happens.

Oikawa wanted to apologize to Kageyma, he really did but he's just too prideful to do it.

Maybe one day, when he's matured enough to do it. 

He's currently alone at home since his parents are at work and his sister and nephew are back at their house in the opposite neighborhood. Takeru won't be paying him a visit until next week because his exams are coming up and he needs to review his lessons.

_Ah, I can feel myself rot in here. I'm so bored._

He's currently at his desk doing homework that Iwaizumi brought yesterday after practice. He has no idea what to do, so might as well finish these before it piles up. His childhood friend would most likely bring a fresh batch of homework later before dinner.

As he was writing an essay for his history homework, his mind drifted to Y/N and their conversation in the infirmary.

The way her face turned uneasy after he opened up to her, he couldn't help but feel bad for her. 

_Just what the heck is going on with her?_

When he saw her playing at the outdoor court, he could definitely tell she was having the time of her life, so why did she quit?

He's been contemplating on asking Iwaizumi because he's certain he knows something. He just have to find the right timing, knowing his best friend, he would either explode or smack him silly if he asked rashly.

He could go to Akira and ask her since she's Y/N's childhood friend but after seeing Y/N nearly cry when she watched her and the rest of the team have fun together, something tells him asking her for answers means trouble. And he doesn't want that. He doesn't want to hurt Y/N again.

_So why..._

Oikawa sat there deep in thought as he stared at his bedroom ceiling filled with glow-in-the-dark star stickers.

_Why am I sticking my nose onto this so much anyway?_

His mind continued to drift off somewhere far that his homework was long forgotten.

Various things ran through his mind. From his volleyball career, to his future plans after high school, down to the most mundane things like what will be tonight's dinner or what time will Iwaizumi arrive later.

_Ah, I'm feeling a headache coming in. Maybe I should take a nap then finish all this later._

The brunette stood up from his desk and flopped on his bed, hugging his pillow in the process. As he stared at his bedroom wall, his mind decided to recall his conversation with Y/N in the infirmary, then finally sleep took over.

\-- Flashback to the day Oikawa got injured --

"I'm really sorry, Y/N. It's my brain... it tells me unbelievable things and I was so stupid for believing them."

Y/N shook her head and offered him a gentle smile, "It's okay. I understand. I know you're not a bad person, Oikawa. Iwaizumi wouldn't be sticking around with you if you're insufferable."

Oikawa smiled at her, grateful that she understood him.

He wasn't really planning on admitting that, but there was really no other way to explain it.

He can lie to her, but he knows that would be counterproductive and it would only make him feel worse.

He's willing to take the leap of faith and trust her with his feelings.

"Thank you."

Y/N smiled and offered her hand which made him raise an eyebrow at her, "What's this for, Y/N-chan?"

The young lady smiled at the nickname, this was the first time he addressed her that way without the usual animosity or sarcasm, "Let's do a do-over. Let's formally introduced ourselves, so we can finally be friends for real."

_Oh, then..._

Oikawa grinned at her and took her hand and then they shook hands, "Here's to an everlasting friendship to us, Y/N-chan."

\-- Present --

Oikawa groaned in his sleep as he stirs awake from his slumber. He glared at his bedroom door when the doorbell from outside of his house won't stop.

Who the heck dared to disturb his nap?

With lazy, careful steps, he took his time in walking towards the front door. To hell with being polite, he was enjoying his nap and then suddenly someone wanted to disturb his peace? Not on his watch.

Oikawa swung the door open and there was Y/N looking up at him, "Oh, did I wake you up? I'm sorry." 

She winced as she takes his appearance in. He was definitely deep asleep when she arrived.

Whoops...

The brunette's eyes went wide at the sight of his classmate on his front door.

"Y-Y/N-chan, hey... what's up?"

"I came to deliver your homework. Iwaizumi had some business to tend to, so he wasn't able to give these to you. I'm really sorry for disturbing you."

Oikawa waved his hand dismissively and smiled at her, "No, it's okay. Thank you for bringing them, must be hard for you since you live so far away from here."

"No, it's okay. Think of this as one of job as your manager. You need to keep an eye on your grades if you want to keep playing." She beamed

"Hey, I never had failing grades. I don't know what Iwa-chan told you, but I'm good at handling my grades."

Y/N chuckled and nodded at the third year, "How's your foot by the way? Feeling any better?"

"Yeah, I can finally walk without using my crutches. Just a little bit more and then I can finally go back to practice."

"I'm glad. Then, I'll be on my way. See you at school, Oikawa."

"Mhm, be careful on your way home."

They said their final good byes and Y/N finally turned around to go home and do her homework.

-

Hinata was already ahead of his teammates as his stomach started acting up again due to the nervousness that he's been feeling for the passed few days. Today was their practice match against Seijoh, but no matter how hard the first year tried to calm his nerves down, he gets even more nervous.

This will be his first official practice game after all.

And against a powerhouse school too.

Anybody would be nervous if they were in his shoes.

"Hinata, that idiot. If he doesn't pull himself together I'll do it myself." Kageyama thought out loud which earned him a swat on the head from Sugawara, "Stop being so hard on your teammate, Kageyama!"

"But what if he causes us the game?!"

"I'm sure he'll eventually come around. Now, get rid of that scowl on your face!"

"I'm not scowling!"

Kageyama politely excused himself and went ahead to check up on Hinata and when he was about to make a turn for the restrooms he bumped into Y/N who's currently bringing a basket of water bottles for the team.

"Holy shit--!"

After they collided she accidentally dropped the basket and spilled all the water she worked hard to get.

Y/N pouted and looked at the mess in front of her then turned to the person she ran into, "Hey, be careful and watch where you're going."

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry." Kageyama frantically helped her picked up the water bottles, "Let me help you refill these. I'm really sorry for bumping into you."

"No, it's fine. I wasn't really watching where I was going either, but I'd appreciate the help." She smiled at him, "Come on, the water fountain's this way..."

The two quietly strolled towards the nearest water fountain which is located in building c, next to the girls' gymnasium. 

"So, obviously you're not a student here and judging by your clothes, I'm assuming you're here for a practice match? Which school do you go to and what club?"

"Yes, my name is Kageyama Tobio, I'm a member of my school's volleyball team."

"Kageyama Tobio... wait, so you're from Karasuno? What position do you play?"

"Setter."

"Setter huh... Well, I'm a third year and I am the boys' volleyball team manager, Y/N L/N. Nice to meet you, Kageyama-kun."

Kageyama stopped dead in his tracks and looked at her with wide eyes, "Y/N L/N, you mean _The_ Y/N L/N?! Aren't you the ace of the girls' volleyball team?"

Y/N smiled uneasily, "Not anymore. I'm no longer playing. But yes, I'm Y/N L/N."

"I saw the match! You were amazing!"

"Thank you. You're so nice, Kageyama-kun, but I'm sure there are a lot of players that are greater than me." 

"But still, you were able to bag a place in the nationals and you were also hailed as the best female spiker in the Miyagi Prefecture. I'm very pleased and honored to talk to you."

Y/N can't help but blush at his compliments, obviously happy for receiving such praises. "Thank you, Kageyama-kun."

They started walking again and from a far, a certain brunette saw them happily conversing and for some reason, Oikawa didn't liked what he's seeing. But instead of interfering, he turned to the opposite direction and headed to the infirmary to tape up his foot for good measure.

"Why did you decided to quit, L/N-san?"

Y/N hummed in wonder, not really sure how to answer his question, but since he's a total stranger, maybe it wouldn't hurt to be honest with him. Plus, he seems like a really sweet kid, maybe she can trust him, "Life happened and suddenly I realized it was time for me to go."

"What do you mean by that? Are you...sick?"

"Oh, no... I'm not." Y/N chuckled "Something happened between me and one of my teammate, and it's been going on for quite some time, I didn't want to leave but if I didn't, it would ruin the whole teams' synergy. And I didn't want to hate the sport that gave me so much pride and joy because of her. I want to protect those memories, so I decided to call it quits."

She also don't want to end up hating her own best friend who introduced her to volleyball.

And even though she had every right to hate her, she couldn't bring herself to do it.

_**She didn't want to.** _

Kageyama noticed the change in her demeanor which made him panic a little, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry for overstepping my boundaries for asking personal questions."

Y/N smiled kindly at the first year, "It's okay. It's nice to talk about it from time to time, it might help me finally accept my new reality."

"Uhm, pardon me for asking, but will you be quitting volleyball for good?"

"Nope, I'm just taking a break. There's no way I'll quit for good. Volleyball is basically my bread and butter."

"I'm looking forward for your comeback then."

Y/N smiled at him and ruffled his hair, already fond of him, "You're so cute! I wish I have a little brother like you."

Kageyama blushed evidently which made the third year squeal in delight, "Hey, can I call you by your first name? Can I call you Tobio?"

"S-Sure."

"Alright! Now, come on, let's hurry and refill these then go back. I'm looking forward to see how you play later."

"I'll make sure not to let you down then."

Y/N smiled "That's the spirit. But I gotta warn you, our setter is strong. You nervous?"

Y/N attended middle school in the neighboring city, so she's not aware that Kageyama is basically Oikawa's underclassmen at Kitagawa Daiichi and she's clueless about their unspoken rivalry. But knowing Seijoh's captain, he treats everyone as his rival. Never once did he gave his opponents a half-assed game. 

"A little."

"Getting nervous is normal, you just gotta remember that you're not playing alone and you have a whole team to support you. Take three deep breaths if you ever feel jumpy, that will help you to calm down."

Kageyama made a mental note to teach that to Hinata later.

"Okay."

After they refilled the water bottles they hurriedly went back to the gym and saw everyone was already warming up.

Y/N patted Kageyama on the back, "Good luck, Tobio. Talk to you later after the game."

Kageyama nodded respectfully, "Thank you."

_It's game time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chrysanthemum - represents support, which can also turn over into friendship.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading and giving my story a chance! 
> 
> I hope you like it!
> 
> I hope through To My Youth I was able to be of help to you.  
> Always remember that you are loved and you will always matter.
> 
> Please do leave comments and feed backs! Constructive criticisms are gladly accepted!


End file.
